8 min read
Sex Toys to Spice Up Your Sex Life: A Couple’s Guide to Playing Together
Bringing a toy into the bedroom isn’t about fixing something that’s broken — it’s about giving two people a new way to explore each other. Here’s how couples actually choose, use, and enjoy them.
If you’ve been curious but a little unsure where to start, you’re in good company. Talking about toys can feel awkward for all of about five minutes — and then it usually becomes one of the easier, more playful conversations a couple can have. This guide walks through why couples reach for toys, which types work best for playing together, how to choose safely, and the question almost everyone quietly wonders about: whether any of this is actually bad for you.
Why couples bring toys into the bedroom
Long-term intimacy has a natural rhythm, and every couple hits stretches where things feel more routine than thrilling. A toy is one of the simplest ways to interrupt autopilot. It introduces a new sensation, a new bit of choreography, and — maybe most importantly — a shared sense of trying something as a team.
The couples who get the most out of it tend to frame it the same way: not as a comment on their partner, but as a shared adventure. Novelty is a documented driver of desire in long relationships, and a toy is a low-stakes, high-fun way to manufacture a little of it on demand.
Best sex toys for couples: types that work for two
Forget ranking individual products for a moment. What matters first is understanding the categories, because each one solves a different problem. Here are the top-rated sex toys for couples by type — the shapes that consistently win people over when the goal is playing together rather than solo.
Couples’ vibrators (worn during sex)
These are designed to be worn by one partner during penetrative sex so both people feel the vibration at once. They’re the archetypal “couple’s toy” for a reason: they add sensation without interrupting the flow, and they keep both partners hands-free. A strong first pick for couples who want something that enhances what they already do rather than redirecting it.
Remote-controlled and app-controlled toys
Here one partner holds the controls — from across the room or, with app-enabled versions, from anywhere. The appeal is anticipation and play: handing over control is a small, thrilling act of trust. Great for couples who enjoy teasing, and for keeping a spark alive during travel or time apart.
Vibrators for shared external play
A versatile wand or bullet-style vibrator isn’t couple-specific, but it becomes a shared tool the moment you use it on each other. Many couples find the most valuable toy is simply one that lets them explore each other’s bodies slowly, with a new sensation in hand.
Rings and stamina toys
Often the least intimidating entry point, these focus on prolonging and intensifying sensation for the wearer while frequently adding vibration for both. Inexpensive, simple, and an easy “let’s just try one thing” starter.
Are sex toys bad for you? What the experts actually say
This is the question people quietly Google before they buy, so it’s worth answering plainly. The concern isn’t “toys” in the abstract — it’s what a toy is made of. The adult industry is loosely regulated, which means quality genuinely varies from one product to the next.
The materials to choose
Sexual health experts consistently point to the same shortlist of body-safe materials: medical-grade silicone, borosilicate glass, stainless steel, and ABS plastic. These share the trait that matters most — they’re non-porous, meaning they can be cleaned completely and won’t trap bacteria. As one manufacturer’s guide memorably puts it, materials you could safely cook with are generally safe to use as a toy.
The materials to avoid
The flip side is a shortlist to skip: jelly rubber, PVC, and cheaper plastics that may contain phthalates — softening chemicals that have been linked in reporting to hormone disruption and reproductive concerns. Porous materials like jelly rubber can harbor bacteria and can’t be fully sterilized. A telltale sign of a poor-quality toy is a strong chemical smell, like a brand-new shower curtain; sexologists treat that odor as a red flag on its own.
Worth keeping in perspective: phthalate concern is about cumulative exposure across everything in modern life — food packaging, cosmetics, household plastics — so one past toy isn’t cause for alarm. The sensible move is simply to choose body-safe materials going forward, and to see a healthcare professional if you ever notice specific symptoms.
Using them well: the part that isn’t about the toy
A toy is only ever a prop. What makes it work is the conversation around it. A few things that reliably help:
- Talk before, not during. Agree that you’re experimenting and that “not for me” is a perfectly good outcome for any single toy.
- Go slow and keep it light. Laughter is a feature, not a failure. The pressure to make it perfect is the fastest way to kill the mood.
- Keep it additive. The toy is there to add to the connection you already have — not to become the main event or a stand-in for it.
- Budget honestly. Body-safe silicone toys from reputable brands generally start around the $25–30 mark. A suspiciously cheap “silicone” toy from an unknown seller is usually a materials compromise, not a bargain.
Frequently asked questions
What are the best sex toys for couples just starting out?
A worn couples’ vibrator or a simple vibrating ring are the two most beginner-friendly choices. Both add a new sensation for both partners without changing much about what you already do, which makes them easy to try without pressure.
Are sex toys bad for you or your relationship?
Not when chosen and used sensibly. Physically, body-safe materials and basic hygiene remove nearly all risk. Relationally, most couples find that choosing and using a toy together builds intimacy — the key is framing it as a shared adventure rather than a fix.
How do we clean a couples’ toy?
Wash it before and after every use with warm water and a gentle, toy-safe cleanser, and follow the manufacturer’s instructions — some non-porous toys can be more thoroughly sanitized, others can’t. Cleaning after each use is the single most important habit for staying safe.
What lubricant should we use with a toy?
Water-based lubricant is the safe all-rounder and works with every material. Avoid silicone-based lubricant on silicone toys, as it can degrade the surface over time.
How much should we spend on our first toy?
Enough to get genuine body-safe materials — typically from around $25–30 for silicone toys from reputable brands. The price gap between a body-safe toy and a questionable one is smaller than marketing suggests, and it’s not worth trading safety to save a few dollars on something you’re using intimately.
The takeaway
Sex toys are one of the easiest, lowest-risk ways for a couple to add a bit of novelty and play to their sex life. Choose something together, insist on body-safe materials, keep it clean, and treat the whole thing as a shared experiment rather than a test. Done that way, a toy isn’t a shortcut around intimacy — it’s just one more way to enjoy it.
This article is for general informational purposes and reflects widely published sexual-wellness guidance. It isn’t medical advice. If you have specific health concerns or notice any symptoms, speak with a qualified healthcare professional.
Sources
- Wisp — “Body-Safe Sex Toys: How to Choose Body-Safe Materials” (sexologist Suzannah Weiss on silicone, glass and steel as safe materials; phthalate risks). hellowisp.com
- Allo Health Blog — “Body Safe Sex Toys: What They Are & Why They Matter” (lack of industry regulation; safe vs. unsafe materials). allohealth.com
- Newtop — “The Complete Guide to Body-Safe Sex Toys” (medical-grade silicone, glass, steel, ABS recommended; “safe to cook with” principle). newtopsilicone.com
- Strawberry Patch — “Sex Toy Materials Guide” (cumulative phthalate exposure; pricing of body-safe toys; when to see a professional). strawberrypatch.love
- Peach and Cream — “Are My Sex Toys Safe? A Body-Safe Guide” (phthalates and hormone disruption; porous materials and bacteria). peachandcream.com
